There are about one million different ideas/topics racing through my brain right now, but I think the one that I want to get into right now is FEAR. FEAR OF SUCCESS. FEAR OF FAILURE. FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN. FEAR OF THE KNOWN. FEAR OF THE FUTURE. FEAR.
"They" say that the first step toward changing something about you for the better is acknowledging the issue. What that being "said", I would like to acknowledge an issue of mine. I have a fear of success. I used to think that I had a fear of failure, but after opening up to my mother about it (years ago), she showed me the difference betwixt the two. Why do I have a fear of success? To boil it all down, there is a part of me that feels that I don't deserve to live the life of MY dreams, partly because not everyone else is able to do so. Sound ridiculous? It may. But it's my truth. It has been a pattern of mine that I go through periods where I seem to have it in check, but then something tremendous happens and it takes me a while to get back into a "healthy" mindset. I wonder if others experience this. It's frustrating, and even embarrassing, but I'm not too proud to admit that I'm not perfect. I don't want to be perfect. No one is perfect, although many would like to believe that they are. What I do want to be is the best ME that I can possibly be.
Having a child and becoming a solo parent totally flipped my ENTIRE world and life upside down! I wonder why it has hit me so hard when so many other women seem to roll with the punches and just keep moving. I could spend an eternity comparing myself to other women and thereby making myself crazier than I already am, or even neurotic.
I am learning more about myself every day, and am falling in love with the woman and mother that I am turning out to be. I see myself becoming a better version of myself. But I must admit that it's not easy. It's an everyday battle to stay focused, stay afloat, continue progressing, stay positive, confident, and strong. Most times I just wanna curl up into a ball and disappear. I'm taking it a day at a time right now, because things have been a bit intense lately. Today is a good day. So far, but I'm less than two hours in. Yesterday was a good day. I pray that today is an even better day. It's now officially Monday, and I must admit that I absolutely LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Mondays :)
I share this because I hope that there is at least one other person out there that may be able to relate to me. If that should be the case, I hope that knowing that we're not alone somehow helps strengthen us that much more.
**Be your best self**
