Tyler Perry Movie Marathon Helped Show Me The Light

I've never had to erase email accounts in order to avoid people. However, since the father of my blessing deems it necessary to use this medium in order to upset me while pregnant, I deem it necessary to cut him off in every way possible. Only a coward picks on a woman. Especially a pregnant woman. And only a coward refuses to provide things for his child, because the child's mother refuses to play his mental games. The last thing that I ever wanted to do was keep him away from baby. But, if he goes out of his way to upset me, while carrying baby, who's to say that he won't go out of his to hurt the baby's feelings. I've done all that I can to include him in this. But to him, it's not about the baby. It's about manipulating me. And that's sick. I pray for him. I forgive him for all that he's done to me, and all that he hasn't done for my baby. Enough is enough. He does not deserve the honor of being at my child's birth, being listed on my child's birth certificate, or being involved in my child's life. He is an unhealthy character that will NOT poison my baby's world. And he will NO LONGER poison mine. It is a matter of SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST, and SELF-PRESERVATION.

While most times I regret ever meeting him, I choose to no longer feel this way. Had I not met him, I wouldn't have my Mushka. My biological father was a poison that I didn't need in my life, and Mushka's biological father is of the same brand. I don't feel guilty. I did. But I no longer do. You see, I am a good person, and I deserve all of the love in the world. I deserve to be treated with respect at ALL times, and I deserve to have a stress-free pregnancy. I deserve to be surrounded by supportive, loving people who only have my best interests at heart. There is no room for snakes in my life. And I will NOT make room for them. We are not, nor were we ever married. I am not obligated to him. The reality of it all is that I got played in the worst way by a conniving snake who saw a beautiful, intelligent, loving, trusting woman, and took advantage of her kindness, and her love. I have learned many lessons from this experience. By the grace of God, I escaped with only minor bruises that will heal over time.

I owe it to myself, and my baby to be the best ME that I can be. To provide the best life for us both, and to love hard and laugh until I cry. While it does pain me to have to make such a decision, I know in my soul, that it is what's best for Mushka and myself.

I would like to thank the TBS programmers for having a Tyler Perry Movie Marathon yesterday. It opened me up, brought my pain to the surface, showed me that I'm not alone, and helped me realize that I had the power within to make the pain go away. But most importantly, that I'm not wrong to make that pain go away.

It may sound silly to you, but it helped me when nothing else seemed to be able to. And for that, I thank God for creating Tyler Perry.

**Single parent VS Solo parent**

Today I watched a show called “Teen Mom” for the first time. Although I, myself, am not a teen mother, I found myself very moved by the show, and also very grateful to experience it. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and with that being said, I was meant to watch this show.

At ten weeks and two days pregnant, I became a single mother. That night changed my life. From the moment that I found out I was pregnant, I knew that my life would never be the same. I also “knew” that I would never be a single parent. I was 100% correct about the former, and 200% incorrect about the latter.

From the moment that I became a single mother, instinctively, I went into survival mode. I needed to do what was best for myself, but more importantly, for my unborn baby. I made plans to move back home within two weeks. I knew that if I could just get back home to my family and hometown, that everything else would fall into place. I flew back home July 2^nd, 2011.

November 14^th, 2011, I realized that the best decision that I could truly make for both my baby and myself is to simply become a solo parent. If someone would’ve asked me on the day that I learned I was pregnant, if I saw myself being a solo parent, I would have laughed and responded with a very confident, “Hell no!” It’s funny how time changes your views on things. What is the point of being pregnant, dealing with all of the stresses that pregnancy itself brings, and also dealing with the stress of trying to work things out with someone that doesn’t seem to have mine or my child’s best interests at heart? There is absolutely no point in that. Nothing good will come from that. Nothing healthy can come from that.

Is it easy? I can’t answer that question with just one word. Emotionally, it isn’t easy, but knowing that it is the healthiest decision, makes it easier to deal with on a daily basis.  I believe that a child’s father should want to do everything in his power to help prepare for his unborn baby’s arrival into this world, regardless of whether or not he and the child’s mother live in the same state. For instance, if there is a baby registry available, I don’t believe that the mother should have to ask him to buy things for the baby, especially once he makes it a point to request any and all information regarding what she needs for the baby. If she makes this readily available to him, there is no reason why he should not provide for the baby. He should not leave the responsibility up to her family. However, if he would rather not provide, then he should not fill her head with false hopes of him helping relieve some of the financial burden. He should not argue with her about her not believing that he will help, if in fact he won’t help. No pregnant woman should be arguing. Especially over taking care of her unborn baby, when she hasn’t asked the father to help, but in fact he made a big to-do about being included. It isn’t fair. It borders on harassment.

Currently, I am 31 weeks and two days pregnant. That translates to seven months, three weeks, and two days pregnant. It is not in my baby’s best interest, nor mine to maintain contact with someone who seems like he’s more interested in arguing with me, than helping me get ready for the baby’s arrival. And to be perfectly honest, if he just wants to wait until the baby is born before he does anything, than I’d rather him do nothing at all. He has done nothing to help with this pregnancy thus far, and therefore I see no reason to expect him to do anything later.

I can’t be the best possible mother to this baby if I continue to entertain his bullshit. Therefore, I count my blessings before the Lord, give myself and my baby to Him, and consider myself the blessed solo parent of an amazing baby that will be here sooner than later.

If I had to choose between being a single parent, and a solo parent, I choose the latter with no hesitation. We will be much happier this way.

Thank God for my wonderful baby.