For this, I weep...

Up til now, I haven't allowed myself to shed tears about us. When I finally cry about a break-up, that's my first real step of accepting it as a reality, and moving past it. Just a few moments ago, I shed my first tears about us. About what we had. What I felt. What I planned for in the future. Everything that I wanted share with you. I'm so incredibly busy because I have a plan, and I'm putting that plan in motion. You have no idea of the life that I am building. That I wanted to share with you. God has been so good to me, and everything is falling into place for me. It just takes patience. So many wonderful things are in store for me. And I wanted you to be by my side through it all. This time next year, God willing, I will be in such a completely different place from right now.

I can't believe that I have to go it alone. I was fine before we got back together. I was comfortable with being single and solo and enjoying the ride. Then you asked me to let you in, and I did. And you were a permanent fixture in all of my dreams. The things that I have in store were not only going to change my life, but change yours as well. We already had the beautiful foundation of a fairytale love affair. We were going to share the fairytale lifestyle as well. Now I sit here crying quietly so that no one hears. The warm tears run down my face as I truly accept the fact that we are no more. That now we're not even friends. We are no longer a part of each other's lives. You are no longer my Wife. You hate me. I can't believe that my Princessa hates me. I remember the joy and just pure love in her eyes when she would look at me. I remember feeling so filled with love and joy just from seeing that look on her face. And to watch her smile and blush, and her eyes get small.... It simply made my heart melt. I loved how hearing her voice sent chills down my spine, and gave me butterflies. And how hearing her tell me that she loved me would make my soul shudder.

I love you from a place that I can't even begin to describe. I love you even beyond the end of time. I close my eyes and picture myself looking into your eyes as I recite my wedding vows. I love you so much, and you don't even see it. You can't even begin to understand. I'm not trying to romanticize my feelings. This is how much I sincerely love you. And you hate me...

You hate me...

We were going to have babies together. And raise them in a rainbow house of our own.
You are my Wife, and now you hate me. And now I have to go back to dreaming alone.
Call me a sucker if you like. I'm in love with a woman that hates me, and now I have to let time heal these wounds too.

I pray that one day...I thank God for all of my blessings, trial and tribulations. I thank God for this pain too. It lets me know that I'm alive, and more importantly, I am not incapable of love.

I loved you somethin true...