I dreamt of you...

Good morning.

Lately, you've been on my mind. A lot. Not completely in the romantic sense, but definitely in one way or another. You know I've never been able to beat around the bush, when it comes to you, so I'm not even going to start now. I dreamt of you last night. Actually, technically, it was moreso this morning. I don't remember all of it, but I'll tell you what I do remember. I remember that we were married. We had actually just gotten married. I was talking to a cousin of mine that I used to go to junior high with. I don't remember most of the convo, but I do remember saying, "I married the love of my life." I remember being so happy. So at peace. Feeling so complete. I was either still pregnant, or had recently given birth, but that didn't change a thing. Even after waking up, I still felt so relaxed. It's been a LONG time since I've felt that sort of calm come over me. Once I was completely awake, I was sad, because my dream was NOT my reality.

You said to me, not too long ago, "Some people focus too much on the past...". (I hear you, even when you think I don't.) It's not that I sit around focusing on the past. But you were the best love that I've ever had. If I could go back, I would stick it out. Not because of where you are in your life today, but because maybe I'd still have you in my life. As an integral part of my life. You set the bar, and you set it very high.

If I've learned one thing, I've definitely learned that you can't tell someone how to love you the way that you need to be loved. They either do it, or they don't. What do you do when the one person that loved you that PERFECT way will never love you again? People say that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and that is true, but they're not all meant for you.

With you, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that you loved me. You made it impossible to miss. I know that you're one of a kind, but does this mean that I'll never be loved so strongly again? Were you my only chance at a true "Happily Ever After"? I don't want to believe that, because if that's the case, then I blew it. For the rest of my life. And that's a hard pill to swallow.

I don't want to settle for love, just to say I'm not alone. Just to have someone to share my life with. But how can you TEACH someone to love you? I've never done that before, and when I had the best of the best, I didn't have to explain the way that my mind works, and more importantly, the way that my heart works.

If you set the bar, and took me places that my heart and soul had only dreamed of, how can I ever settle for anything less than that? Why should I have to? Do I have to, if I don't want to spend the rest of my days without a love to call my own? One doesn't forget the one that loved them THAT way. One never forgets just how high love can take you. It's like a drug. Once you've had a hit of something THAT powerful, you're forever changed.

You loved me in such a way that opened EVERY part of me, and made me LOVE myself entirely. Please just tell me that you're not the only person that can do that. I know you're the shit, but come on now. Where are all the other TRUE Princes?

We've both moved on since then, but part of me just wants to know that what we shared was as life-changing and sacred to you, as it was to me.

Did you really mean Anytime?