HATE. what an UGLY word...

Well, it appears that I am once again a member of the single's club. Before I got in this last relationship, I told her that I didn't have the time to dedicate to a relationship the way that I'd really like to. She promised that she could handle it. That she understood that I had a lot going on and that she just wanted to be mine and for me to be hers.

When push came to shove, it proved to be too much for her. It was the source of our arguments, and the end of it all. Apparently, she felt that I never wanted to see her. That she deserved to spend time with me as much as my family, and that I just didn't understand how much she loved me. Then she told me that she would find someone that would give her time and show how much they care. That I wasn't the only one out there. I said "God bless you." I meant it sincerely. She said it back, sarcastically, and then told me that she hated me. And that she never wanted to speak to me again.

It still hurts to say it, and relive it. Hate? All I could say was, "You hate me? Is that how you treat people? Thanks for letting me know how you truly feel." What else could I say? Hate? Hate. That's one word that you can't EVER take back.

I don't even HATE my son's biological father, although many feel that I should. I don't even HATE the man that stole my innocence. I did at one point in my life, but I don't anymore. But I even felt bad for hating him, and had to let go of that.

I've known her for the last seven years of my life, and have loved her nearly as long. Tell me, how could she just flip so quickly? How could she use the word "hate" with ME? I don't hate her. How could I ever hate her? I loved her from the purest place in my soul. I love her still. I will always love her. But I can't possibly bring myself to talk to her. Once you tell me that you hate me, there's nothing more to say.

I have loved HARD in my lifetime. I have loved TRUE and PURE in my lifetime. Never have I EVER loved someone SO much that I could turn around and hate them. That would mean that I never loved them at all.

I have no room in my life for those who hate me. I NEVER thought that she would be a part of that group. C'est la vie.

C'est MA vie...